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Only about 1/4 of women orgasm during sex, a statistic that is depressing, unacceptable, and most importantly, improvable.
Because many women can't get off through penetrative sex alone, one of the best and most consistent ways to make your partner orgasm is through oral sex.
Unfortunately, the thought of performing cunnilingus has many men clutching their pearls for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to:
Luckily, a little education can solve all of these problems and more, turning you into someone who not only excels at oral sex but who enjoys it.
The more you enjoy a task, the more confidence you'll feel, the better you'll perform, and hopefully you'll be able to contribute to making that 1/4 statistic a little bit better.
Let's take a look at some of the most basic strategies for successful cunnilingus and how you can improve, even if you think your game is tight.
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Cunnilingus is the act of stimulating the female genitals using the tongue or lips.
There are many techniques, some of which we cover in the article, but to oversimplify things you can start by using your tongue to provide stimulation to your partner's clitoris, labia and other sensitive parts of the vulva.
Most women would agree that it is one of their favorite sexual acts a partner will perform during intimacy – granted you are skilled at giving oral sex (read on to learn more). It's most comparable to men receiving oral sex from their partner.
While oral sex on a man is extremely straightforward, female oral sex requires more finesse.
Women simply have more routes to receive pleasure and they have multiple different types of orgasm, almost all of which can be achieved by oral sex
The main sexual pleasure zones for women are:
Additionally, inside the vagina is a small, spongy area known as the G-spot which has its own spectacular orgasm powers as well.
With so many places to play, many men get lost on the path to making their partner orgasm, and that's probably why you're here.
It's also critical to understand that vaginal orgasms feel different than clitoral, anal, penetrative, and G-spot orgasms, and they all need different techniques to succeed.
Some extremely basic tips for successful oral sex tips are:
With these basic oral sex tips out of the way, let's dive into some cunnilingus techniques that will help you drive your partner wild.
There are times when you both want a quickie and jumping straight to the main course is perfectly fine.
Really good, passionate sex, however, requires some build-up and tension.
Start by teasing your partner in literally anywhere but her genital area. Kiss her:
We might chuckle about how a lot of sex starts out as a back massages, but back massages are incredibly relaxing, and they put your partner in the mood for other stuff.
Foot massages are another great way to relax her and make her start to feel receptive and sensual.
Put your mouth on her nipples, her legs, fingers, toes, and just about every other hot spot on her body before you get to her vagina, and the difference in your whole sexual experience will be noticeable.
Beyond just establishing tension and pleasure, starting slowly allows blood to flow to the clitoris and labia, making them receptive to sexual touch and heightening her ability to feel pleasure.
Take your time; trust us, it's worth it.
After she's warmed up a bit, start by using your tongue on her inner thighs and labia — don't just dive in and attack her clitoris right away.
While many women can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation, it's also an incredibly sensitive part of the human body, and jumping right at it can feel jarring and unpleasant.
Try flattening your tongue and licking up her entire vulva, stopping short of the clitoris. Gently suck on her labia, teasing her and again, building tension.
When she can't take the suspense anymore, you'll know, as she'll start thrusting her hips towards your face, or she'll literally ask for more.
While you can look for clues like the hip-thrusting or grinding into your face, sometimes you need specific directions to get to where you need to be.
Ask her what feels good, if the pace you're using is working, and what else she'd like. Some women like to be penetrated while their partner goes down on them, and some don't, but a few quick questions can take the guesswork out of the scenario.
This is especially important when what you're doing isn't working but your partner might not feel comfortable asking for a change of service.
Many women don't want to express that their partner's ministrations are less than perfect, and so will suffer in silence. If you open up communication, however, it makes things easier on both of you.
It's also a great excuse to use dirty talk and moaning; the only time someone wants a silent partner is during a shady investment deal, so use your voice!
Kisses and tongue-flicks are great ways to really drive her mad with pleasure.
Spread them all over her labia and clit, but don't directly stimulate the clit until you're ready to make her orgasm. Since it's so sensitive, licking alongside it is a fantastic way to stimulate her without making things too sensitive.
You can also try sliding your tongue in and out of her vagina or swirling it around just past her labia.
Orgasms for women are highly dependent on steady rhythm and pressure.
Going too quickly can make it dramatically harder for her to achieve orgasm, but slower, steady pacing can ensure she gets off regularly.
That's not to say you shouldn't go faster - if she indicates she likes your rhythm but wants more speed, by all means, oblige her. Just make sure you keep the pressure steady.
It's very important to be extra mindful as she approaches orgasm to keep your pace even, as you're going to get more turned on as well. This isn't a time to insert fingers or change up your technique; slow and steady will win you the best prize of all.
Tongues get tired, as do backs and necks, and sometimes you really want your partner to get off but you're lagging for some reason.
Bringing a sex toy or two into the bedroom can be fun and also extremely helpful in making her get off.
Many men are intimidated or bothered by the idea of using a toy on their partner, as if they're not good enough or something, but the reality is that sex toys are better when shared.
Sure, your partner can masturbate with a vibrator but it's so much hotter if she's using a dildo while you lick her all over. You can work the device yourself, or let her do that part while you enjoy her with your mouth.
Regardless, don't be put off at the thought of sharing a bed with a sex toy.
Orgasm from penetrative sex is difficult for many women, but studies indicate that orgasms that occur during penetration are much more powerful and satisfying.
When you've got a rhythm down on her clitoris with your mouth, slipping a few fingers or a toy inside of her is a great way to cause explosive, mind-blowing orgasms.
Oral sex plus penetration and a vibrator will likely be too much, so opt instead for a dildo if you're bringing a toy into the bed.
Slow and steady strokes in and out along with steady pressure from your mouth will work wonders for making her come.
If you're using your fingers, insert your middle and index fingers, palm-up, and slowly make a "come here" motion to stimulate her G-spot. Again, apply even, steady pressure, and see if she likes it.
G-spot orgasms are incredibly intense, and you'll both be pleasantly surprised at the result.
Most people perform female oral sex in what is basically a missionary position; the woman on her back, the man laying on his stomach going down on her.
This is an optimal position for many reasons:
So missionary works fine, but there are a ton of ways to go down on a woman, even if you're looking up.
Here are just a few examples.
This is incredibly arousing for both of you, and it will require you to get a breathing rhythm, especially as she nears orgasm.
Still, the result is incredibly hot and this is the position that is least likely to fatigue your neck or mouth. It also allows you to penetrate her vagina with your tongue more deeply, and some women love this technique.
Plus, she can move her hips and angle herself to assure herself maximum pleasure on her hot spots.
Approach her as she rests on her hands and knees. This opens up the vagina more and might make it easier to find her clit, but it's also vastly different from the way most people approach sex.
Doggy style allows for deeper penetration and mixing it up by weaving oral sex into this position adds new layers of arousal for most couples.
Try oral sex while she's standing up.
Approaching her and going down on your knees is unorthodox but the visual novelty alone is enough to turn most women on, and it will have a tremendous impact on your own arousal as well.
Regardless of what you may believe from society or movies, there's nothing at all emasculating about going down on a woman.
In fact, men who are actually good at oral sex tend to love it, and men who don't love it, well, chances are that they're not good at it.
You can approach giving oral sex from the perspective that it's somehow a bad thing and never get better at it, or you can embrace your own shortcomings and apply what you've learned here to make your technique better.
You're with your partner for a reason; even if it's a one night stand, her pleasure should be on your mind.
You should want to make her feel good, and if you don't care, well, you're missing a fundamental part of sex. Tell her:
Engage as many senses as you can to truly deepen her experience.
The clitoris is a small bump at the top of her vulva, where the labia meets.
It often swells the way your penis does when you're aroused, enlarging as blood flow increases. It's covered by the clitoral hood, which is exactly what it sounds like.
By gently pushing the hood back, you can expose the clit itself but be wary of direct stimulation, as the clitoris is extremely sensitive.
Flicking your tongue side-to-side across the clit, or swirling it around the hood are both great ways to make her come. Just remember to keep the pace, pressure, and technique even and consistent, unless she tells you differently.
You can also try sucking on her clitoris — gently — as the nerves extend a few inches into her body.
Suck it in slightly and then flick the underside with your tongue. The rhythm might take a minute to establish, but if you are good at it, the payoff is tremendous for her.
Don't take the old advice of "writing the alphabet with your tongue" on her clit.
If you've read the rest of these tips, you know constant, consistent pressure and technique are key, so random tongue swipes aren't great when you're in the home stretch of giving your partner an orgasm.
Very few people are savants at anything they attempt. It's highly unlikely there are many men out there who are just naturally great at providing oral sex and orgasms to their partner, but like all skills, it can be practiced, studied, and improved upon.
Oral sex is wonderful for men and women and actively trying to get better at it signifies a certain level of maturity.
If you care enough to make your sex partner feel as good as possible, you're doing the right thing.
Make sure you're clean, comfortable, and trimmed up, and be prepared for her to smell and taste differently than other women — it's natural and it's great.
Take things slowly, and then faster, and then steady and consistent.
Oral sex orgasms aren't science but science says they are important. With diligence, practice, and enthusiasm, you can make sure you both have a fantastic time.
Lexi Sylver is the Montreal-based erotica author of "Mating Season" and "All the Queen’s Men". She is also the producer and host of "Cocktails and Erotic Tales" as well as her "Swinging 101" webinar series. As an entrepreneur, advocate, educator, podcaster, public speaker and coach for ethical non-monogamy and sexual empowerment, she regularly contributes articles about sexuality and relationships to ASN Lifestyle Magazine, SDC.com and her personal blog, among other places. Her mission is to promote empowerment and education by guiding you to shamelessly explore your sexuality. Get Lexual at lexisylver.com
Absorption Pharmaceuticals LLC (Promescent) has strict informational citing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic or research institutions, medical associations, and medical experts. We attempt to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references and only citing trustworthy sources. Each article is reviewed, written, and updated by Medical Professionals or authoritative Experts in a specific, related field of practice. You can find out more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.
James G. Pfaus, PhD, Gonzalo R. Quintana, MA, Conall Mac Cionnaith, MA, and Mayte Parada, PhD. 2016 October 25. The whole versus the sum of some of the parts: toward resolving the apparent controversy of clitoral versus vaginal orgasms. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5084726/. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Michael Castleman M.A., Reviewed by Lybi Ma. 2010 July 16. How to Boost a Woman's Chance of Orgasm During Intercourse. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201007/how-boost-womans-chance-orgasm-during-intercourse. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
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