Going soft during sex can be devastating to your relationship. Found out why this is happening and how you can fix it.
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If you're a man and you have sex, odds are you’ve either already gone limp or will go limp during sex at some point in your life.
Many things could be keeping you from maintaining an erection.
Even just the fear alone of going soft during sex can be enough to cause it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So, is there anything you can do about it?
Your erection problems are likely due to some underlying issues, most of which are well within your ability to control.
Absolutely, things like alcohol and tobacco usage can have a major impact on why you go soft inside of her during sex.
This would obviously depend on the medication, but things like SSRIs can cause temporary erectile dysfunction
Yes, in fact erectile dysfunction is often an early warning sign of cardiovascular issues.
There are numerous types of sexual difficulties, and unfortunately, going soft after penetration is one of them.
The list of potential causes can be quite varied:
Also, things like mental health disorders - and their treatments - can profoundly affect your ability to maintain an erection, regardless of how aroused you are.
For many guys, losing an erection during sex is a short-term thing that only happens once in a while.
For others, going soft inside your partner is a longstanding issue.
So let’s take a closer look at some of the more common causes and things you can do to fix it.
Alcohol can be a double-edged sword.
Yes, it gives you liquid courage, but take it easy because too much alcohol can cause circulatory issues.
Alcohol consumption is associated with decreased blood flow to the penis, which in turn may cause you to lose your erection during sex.
This usually only happens when you've had a lot of alcohol in a single night, like in a binge session.
If you do end up experiencing “whisky-dick,” there isn’t much you can do about it.
It will go away on its own once blood alcohol levels decrease and you begin to sober up.
Studies show that longer-term alcohol abuse can cause systemic damage to your heart and liver that weaken the vessels in your penis.
A weak erection can be like a canary in a coal mine to alert you that you have underlying health issues, so talk to your doctor.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are an excellent tool for treating some forms of depression and anxiety.
But, studies show SSRIs have been shown to cause some form of sexual dysfunction in an estimated 40% to 65% of people who take them.
If you’re taking, or considering taking an SSRI, it’s important to know that the side effect profile of these prescription drugs may lead to erection problems during sex.
Dopamine is the neurochemical responsible for enforcing repeated behavior because it's connected to things that feel good, like:
Dopamine surges when you do something good. It makes you want to do that thing again.
But when you consistently flood your brain with dopamine, you stop responding to it.
Being "plugged in" constantly makes dopamine readily available and incredibly desensitizing.
Simply scrolling through TikTok or Instagram for a few minutes floods our brains with dopamine, so we end up needing more just to get the same effect.
If you're used to the quick, one-sided gratification of porn, your ability to maintain an erection during sex could be affected.
Damaged dopamine receptors can make focusing on any task difficult, including prolonged penetrative sex.
It doesn't matter if it's your wife or a one-night stand. Poor hygiene is a mood killer.
No matter what you do or think, a physical turnoff is hard to combat.
Keep in mind, hygiene is a two-way street. If you’ve let yourself go, your wife may no longer want to do those extra little things she knows you love.
Almost every guy has had performance anxiety at some point in their life.
Whether you're with a new partner or just someone you like, you can very easily psych yourself out.
That may affect your ability to stay hard.
Psychological reasons are often the most common triggers of going soft during sex.
Fortunately, sexual performance anxiety will usually go away the more you get to know someone.
Foreplay is a great way to slow things down a bit. By focusing on their pleasure, you can give yourself a few minutes to get ready.
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Don’t forget to focus on your body.
Being mindful of how your body is feeling in the moment and what sensations you are experiencing can reduce worries and anxieties about performance.
Use your senses to increase pleasure and in the moment focus.
This can be an acute or a long-term problem, but sometimes we just simply lose attraction to our partner.
In a long-term marriage or relationship, sometimes both parties just lose that spark.
So, if you’re going soft during sex and you think it's from a loss of attraction, try identifying what you found attractive in your partner before and see if that's something that can be replicated now.
Maybe it's just a matter of spicing things up in the relationship.
You can try:
It's natural for attraction to change over time, but it doesn't mean it's gone forever.
Pro Tip: If you're curious about prostate milking then the Vector Prostate Massager could be just the thing you need to help keep your compass pointed north.
Tobacco damages your blood vessels, quite dramatically, making them more rigid as it hurts the endothelial cells that line them.
Rigid blood vessels don’t transport blood as efficiently, leading to softer erections.
In addition, tobacco usage can decrease your libido and even lead to infertility.
So, cut out the tobacco and enjoy not only better sex but a whole host of other benefits.
An underlying medical issue can be a more cryptic but alarming reason for going soft.
It can be as simple as being overweight.
But, other conditions, like atherosclerosis or diabetes, damage your blood vessels and restrict blood flow to your genitals. It may also causing a whole host of other problems that you will also need to address.
Medical professionals note that erectile dysfunction is often the first sign of heart disease.
So, if you're getting older and you start experiencing issues with ED, talk to your doctor. Your life might very well depend on it.
Likewise, if you have any reason to suspect you have diabetes, speak with your GP. These conditions can be managed and treated, but you will need to work with your physician.
High blood pressure is another troublesome condition that wreaks havoc on your circulation, including blood flow to your penis.
For guys who are having trouble because of their weight, simply losing 10% of your body fat can help. Cut the processed food and sugar and start exercising.
Pro Tip: Try weight lifting; it triggers your body to release human growth hormone and testosterone, which helps burn fat and boost your libido.
In addition to changing your habits and improving your health, you may consider adding a supplement.
Sexual health supplements, like VitaFLUX Nitric Oxide Booster, can be clinically proven to help with erectile functioning.
Nearly all causes of erectile dysfunction - during penetration or otherwise - can be treated if they're addressed.
The acute causes can be addressed easily, like:
The fact is most men will experience temporary erectile dysfunction.
It's normal – don't let it get you down.
In fact, infrequent occurrences of some erectile difficulties by age 40 are reported at 90%, so you’re definitely not alone.
Just focus on fixing any of the underlying issues and, when you're ready, get back in the saddle!
Maybe your penis doesn't go soft during sex, but you have trouble with premature ejaculation. If that's the case, consider trying a climax control spray.
Dr. Jordan Soper is a Board Certified Psychologist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of The Center for Sexual Health and Wellness in Las Vegas, NV. Dr. Soper’s areas of expertise include evidence-based treatment for sexual health and functioning disorders, anxiety, and trauma with diverse populations including military/Veterans, first responders, police officers, members of the LGBTQ+ community, young professionals, students, therapists, sexual assault survivors, and members of the BDSM/Kink/Fetish community. She is passionate about education, advocacy, and using humor to decrease shame and stigma around mental and sexual health concerns.
Absorption Pharmaceuticals LLC (Promescent) has strict informational citing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic or research institutions, medical associations, and medical experts. We attempt to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references and only citing trustworthy sources. Each article is reviewed, written, and updated by Medical Professionals or authoritative Experts in a specific, related field of practice. You can find out more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.
SMSNA Staff. (n/d). Alcohol and Temporary Erectile Dysfunction. The Sexual Medicine Society of North America. https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/alcohol-and-temporary-erectile-dysfunction. Accessed mar 21, 2022.
Elizabeth Jing, Kristyn Straw-Wilson. (2016 June, 29). Sexual dysfunction in selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and potential solutions: A narrative literature review. NCBI. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6007725/. Accessed March 21, 2022
Trevor Haynes. (2018 May, 01). Dopamine, Smartphones & You: A battle for your time. Harvard University. https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/. Accessed March 21, 2022.
David L. Rowland, Jacques J. D. M. van Lankveld. (2019 July, 16). Anxiety and Performance in Sex, Sport, and Stage: Identifying Common Ground. NCBI. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6646850/. Accessed March 21, 2022.
The Truth Initiative Staff. (2018 August, 21). 3 ways tobacco use impacts your sex life. The Truth Initiative. https://truthinitiative.org/research-resources/harmful-effects-tobacco/3-ways-tobacco-use-impacts-your-sex-life#:~:text=You%20can%20also%20add%20erectile,men%20as%20young%20as%2020. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Cleveland Clinic Staff. (2019 July, 17). Heart Disease & Erectile Dysfunction. The Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15029-heart-disease--erectile-dysfunction#:~:text=and%20heart%20disease.-,Several%20studies%20have%20shown%20that%20if%20a%20man%20has%20ED,at%20one%20point%2C%20had%20ED. Accessed March 21, 2022
C Ayada, Ü Toru, and Y Korkut (2015 April-June). The relationship of stress and blood pressure effectors. NCBI. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4938117/. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Michael F. Evans. (2005 January, 10). Lose weight to lose erectile dysfunction. NCBI. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1479584/. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Barry W. McCarthy. (2004 November, 08). Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex. Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Erectile-Dysfunction-Confidence-McCarthy/dp/B00E32AQBO. Accessed March 21, 2022.
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